Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
