Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think my moral compass just broke
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
