You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
