I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
