how can u be prego again
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I accidentally burped into my bong.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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