my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
