So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
