someone threw a dead crab at me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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