im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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