in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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