Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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