dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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