That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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