everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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