I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
if only i could text you this smell
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
