Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
