I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
