someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
