How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
