he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
