You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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