this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
