Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
