watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
