dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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