dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
