she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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