We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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