I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
