is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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