I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
