I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
