i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
