how can u be prego again
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize