Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
