My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
