you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
