I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
