Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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