I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
