I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
