I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
