what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize