I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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