now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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