yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
