Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Fuck appropriateness.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
