i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Oh god it's open bar.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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