peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
