Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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