is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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