just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'd cum for enchiladas.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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