you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize