She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
