I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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