i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
