i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
