In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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