I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
