i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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