What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My life is pants optional.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
