She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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