I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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