You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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