i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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