I'm gonna have a badass scar
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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