Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
