If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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