it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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