i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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