I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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