So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
