The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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