In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize