We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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