I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize