under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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