I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
