My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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