did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
