Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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