I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
