My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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