i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
