so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just google imaged poop.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
should my penis look like a turkey
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
