Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
