i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
