i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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