He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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