Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
