i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
God I need to hump something, right now.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
