Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
