I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
