dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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