Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
