I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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